The Queer Word

What the heck is a butch MTF?

2011-04-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

What the heck is a femme FTM?

2011-04-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

See, I told you it was a woman!

2011-04-01T04:53:00.000-07:00

The other day at work (I drive a bus for a living) I had to make a quick stop and leave the safe confines of my cab. On my return I heard a child exclaim loudly to his friend “see, I told you it was a woman!”.

It. With one word this child had erased my humanity. I was not a person, I was an it. I was an object. A thing. An oddity to be stared at. A curiosity in a box to be grimaced at. It was mortified.

I get this all the time, people will call me by one gender-specific informal name only to realise they’ve chosen the wrong sex-specific pronoun and try to correct themselves and apologise for calling me by the wrong pronoun and make a big deal out of nothing. I end up frustrated and embarassed as the people who are already on the bus listening to all this then begin to question if they got the pronoun correct when they addressed me.

Just sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.

I’m not genderqueer or androgynous, I don’t want people to use genderless pronouns with me, I am male gendered and I am masculine. But yet I’m finding myself increasingly irritated by society’s determination to define everyone. You’re either son or hen, mate or pal, male or female. You’re either one heteronormative restricted bullshit stereotype or the other. No exceptions.

I am Jack’s raging bile duct.

Keltik

Quinn Valentine for QueerPorn.TV

2011-03-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Queer Porn TV

Butch girl = normal boy?

2011-02-28T07:30:00.000-08:00

I’m sitting in my family living room, where we are all sat blankly watching the television, like a precognisant tribute to The Royle Family. This isn’t so unusual – it’s 1988, I’m 9 years old and I’m stuck in a dead-end Northern town – what else is there to do but gather around the glowing box? Besides, it’s after dark and there’s no way I’m being allowed outside after setting fire to the dining room. Again.

Onto our Rumblow’s rented TV set (insert 50p to get half an hour’s viewing!) comes this show favoured by my dad, but which I’d never really watched. Something about a man in a long scarf, with a hat? Or is it an umbrella with a question mark handle?

I sit playing with my lego, building spaceships that would take on the Evil Empire. As I play I become aware of the programme with the weird intro. There’s this girl on the screen who is acting just like how I like to act. She’s insolent, rude, wears Doc Martens and carries explosives. I stop playing with my lego. She acts like I act, but she’s a girl? I sit transfixed for the next forty minutes. The girl I’m describing is Dorothy Gale McShane. Better known as Ace, the companion of the Seventh Doctor.

Now, you’ve got to understand who I was back then to fully fell why my emphasising with this girl was so incredible. I was an introverted 10 year old boy who wanted to be a girl. I couldn’t figure out why I had the overwhelming urge to be a girl when I didn’t like any of the things that girls were supposed to like. I didn’t like dolls. I didn’t like pink. I enjoyed getting messy and running around in fields. I was a pyromaniac who set fire to things for the sheer joy of it and blew things up in isolated fields with snaffled gunpowder. So how the hell could I be a girl? Finding a woman on TV who I looked up to, who I wanted to be like, who was like me, was a rare thing.

Being a trans kid is tough to deal with when you’re in a pre-internet age and have no knowledge of why you are as you are. But it gets a whole lot more complicated when your gender expression matches the sex you’ve been assigned at birth. I pretty much ID as butch, even if I’ve hidden it for a long time. So a boy, who wants to be a butch girl? That’s a hard one to figure out.

Even as adults, those of us who are trans, MAAB (male assigned at birth) and who don’t identify with the femme corner of gender space have it tough. Because to most people, including a huge number of trans women, the process of coming out as trans is obviously one where you put on a dress, apply the lipstick and wear the heels.

You’ve seen it and you know what I mean. Every trans woman you’ve ever seen on TV is shown putting on make-up, while whimsical, fairy-like music plays in the background. It’s one of those things that has become a trope, necessary to establish to a cis world that the person being portrayed wants to become a woman. Because to the world at large a woman is defined as pretty/make-up/hetro.

So what’s a butch girl to do? If you’re living as a pre-teen boy, well, be confused as fuck.

Why so femme?

Most trans women end up portraying themselves as femme, even if they don’t necessarially ID that way. The reason for this lies with the patriarchal psychiatric system that oversees trans people. Y’see, we aren’t allowed to make body decisions for ourselves. Bodily autonomy, taken for granted in abortion, reproduction and body modification, is denied to us. Gender psychs (an overwhelmingly masculine profession) have to make sure that we’re “suitable” for treatment. How does a psych “tell” if a boy wants to be a girl? Why, by them dressing up in pink! By them playing with dolls! By them fluttering their eyelashes and being submissive.

This patriarchal bias means that gender norms are rigidly enforced. I submitted to it myself, turning up to psychiatrist offices wearing a dress, made up to the fucking nines. Because there’s this voice, whispering to you, created from the experiences of the thousands gone there before you: “what if he doesn’t think I’m pretty enough?”

Let me say this loudly, just so I’m sure you understand. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HOW A CIS MAN, A MAN WITH POWER OVER ME AND MY BODY, WOULD JUDGE MY LOOKS AND MY “FEMININITY”.

This is, I’m sure you’ll agree, a fucked up situation. It is an abusive situation. It meant that I subsumed my natural self, who I am, to fit in with a pre-determined notion of what a woman is.

It’s one of the reasons, I suspect, that trans women are so reviled by the hardline feminists. Yes, we do reinforce gender stereotypes. Not because we want to, but because it’s a patriarchal institution making us act like simply so that we can attain basic medical provisions. It’s an abusive relationship that would not be tolerated in any other field. Being non-femme with a psych means missing out on treatment. That’s why, Julie Bindel and other second-wave radical feminists, trans women so often “look like characters from Grease“. Because they have no other fucking choice.

Of course, a large number of trans women succumb to the societal diction that certain traits belong to certain genders and equate woman with pink/pretty. Those people I’m disappointed by. Transitioning should open your eyes to the gender restrictions that exist in society. Not criticising you for being femme, but criticising you for not questioning the woman/femme combo meal that has been served up to you.

Passing privilege

The aversion of trans women to the butch expression is not limited to psychiatric abuse. “Passing” plays its part as well.

Most trans women are not gifted with physical attributes that put a hypothetical naked body within female norms. Discounting genitals, hormones can only do so much to the typical male body. Unless you started them as a young teen, which is still utterly rare, you’re not likely to wind up with wide hips, a slight frame, or a hairless body. So the typical trans woman has to compensate. Hyper-femininity is used to counteract the physical characteristics that cannot be rid of by hormones, electrolysis or surgery.

Gender cues are complex, but what is for certain is that we judge gender almost instantly. In fact, I’d suggest that it’s the first thing that we assess about a person. Big, confident, short hair? Man. Slight, timid, long hair, adorned with colour? Woman. You do it. We all do it. We’ve been raised to do it by parents and society. It’s why our brains fuse slightly when we meet someone who doesn’t conform to the gender binary, or who throws up contradictory gender cues.

Because of the bodies congenital masculinity some of those cues have to be over-emphasised, to a degree that is sometimes verging on parody, simply in order to overcome the built-in “male” cues. That’s why the vast majority of trans women reside at the femme corner of gender space: it’s hard to be butch if you’re physically masculine – you’d get misgendered almost instantly. And misgendering, for a trans person, is a painful experience.

So….

What does all this mean then? I’ve railed against the enforcement of gender, that we should be allowed bodily autonomy and taken a potshot at radfems. Do I have a point? If I was with you in person and had consumed some vodka I’d be gesticulating at you wildly and shouting something like “Just fuckin’ do it! Just be who you wanna be! Don’t give a shit! Don… *hic* …don’t let the bastards grind you down.”

Which I think sums up my position pretty well. I’m pretty sure gender is an irrelevance. I don’t think that conflicts with my being trans, as that’s to do with my body, my sex, bits that are relevant to me and to those I choose to share them with. “Gender” is the facepaint that we face the world with. Gender is societal. Gender is power.

Fuck gender.

Postscript

Butch is the nearest word I can use to express how I present to the world, even if I don’t agree with the way gender works. We’re still mired in gendered language, after all.

SonniesEdge

Genderqueers, here to confuse you!

2011-02-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

Carson

What is Genderqueer?

2010-12-20T16:09:00.000-08:00

For the last year I’ve been more visible about being genderqueer. It’s an identity I feel is very important to put forward, especially as I find myself receiving more mainstream attention, though I could just as easily identify with any number of other identities I hold to my being. Despite the fact that I’ve used the word “genderqueer”, I realized I haven’t shared much on my site about what the term means to me.

What is Genderqueer? (for me)

Nutshell: Someone who is “genderqueer” doesn’t identify as being a man or a woman.

The longer story: Genderqueer is a pretty new term. I believe it started to be used early 2000, mostly by youths, as I was then. When I first saw the word “genderqueer” in a zine, I immediately could identify.

I also loved other terms such as androgynous/androgyne, genderfuck, two-spirit, trans entity, bi-gendered, third gendered, multi-gendered, fluid, transboi, boydyke, boi, and many more. I was drawn to genderqueer because it contained within it the word Queer. It made since to me as a queer person. My sexual orientation is queer; so is my gender.

As someone who struggled (and still struggles) with gender I found myself uncomfortable with what was expected of me in terms of cisgender appearance and behaviors. Hold on you say, what is “cisgender”? I believe cisgender to be a word that can be used to describe someone whose gender expression corresponds with the traditional or socially accepted behaviors and attributes expected of the sex that they were assigned at birth. I first saw the word in Julia Serano’s “Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity ” and I’ve seen cisgender described as “the opposite of transgender”. I’ve also understood it to be good to use the word because it challenges the assumption that cisgender is “normal”. So as a person who was assigned female at birth, everything that society would expect of me as a “woman” feels unnatural. (And it actually feels extremely charged; hence feminity is something I play with from time to time and explore when I feel safe to.)

Another word that may be more familiar is transgender. The definitions I have experienced around the word transgender often fall inline with my identity, however when I identified as transgender I felt pressure towards becoming the “opposite” gender — that is to say, I felt a pressure to be a man and to adopt masculine behaviors that felt as equally uncomfortable as feminine ones. I also unfortunately felt a pressure to alter my body, and it was ultimately my accepting my body which led me to find happiness in the middle. (And like feminitiy, masculinity also feels very charged in a way that I love to explore, particularly in sex.)

Trying to balance between what I at the time felt were these two extremes, I thought of myself as being inbetween cisgender and transgender. Being gender-neutral, and genderqueer.

I say that this is a definition “for me” because I am using genderqueer as a label even though I believe it shouldn’t be a label. Many folks like me refuse to attach a label to their identity, something which is complex and when you get down to the science and sociology of gender and sex, it sure is complex. There is no gender test. There’s no “right” way to be genderqueer. There’s no dress code, no label, no correct pronouns. For myself, I love the pronouns “they/them”, such as “They are so beautiful” or “I’m going to buy them a beer.” While I don’t mind being called “she/her”, I really prefer epicene or gender-neutral pronouns, especially if it’s a chance to represent me as accurately as possible. Fuck grammar, it makes me happy!

I believe we do not have to have surgery or take hormones to be seen as a “man”, ”woman” , both, neither, or whatever we choose to be. And I believe that queer pornography and the internet will bring the validation of our bodies that we need as a community — something which I think is really powerful because even 50 years ago, we were isolated and forced to go to doctors to be treated as deceased… today, we have websites, YouTube videos, sex tapes, forums, books and most importantly, each other.

Jiz Lee

Trans Machine

2010-12-16T04:29:00.001-08:00

Carson

Ice Cream

2010-12-13T05:35:00.000-08:00

James Darling

Ode To The Red Hanky

2010-10-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

Gonna sink my fist in you
Spread you open a blooming fist in you
Easy you open with one finger, then two
Don’t worry baby I’ll start out slow…
Warm you up before I tie you down…
Stuff my panties in your mouth to muffle the sounds
Don’t worry girl I’ve got it covered
When you cry for more I’ll give you my third
Mmm, hmm , you heard right
I don’t care what your boyfriend says that your pussy isn’t tight
He doesn’t know how to treat that pussy right…
Come home with me girl
I like loose women
I want a wet cavern
I can bury my fist in
Open up for me,
Relax and bare down
You can trust me…
Glancing down at my hands terrified, wild eyed and excited!
Astonished “You’re so deep in me!” delighted
Eyes rolling back in to your face you beg “More”
Greedy pussy you’re my sacred whore
Greedy pussy!
You need to be properly punched before you can take four!
So I pound your cunt happily with the power of three
Till your cunt blooms wide open wild red fire flower for me
But I am not sure if you’re ready & I don’t want to rush things girl
You’ve got to be fucked properly before this fist is unfurled
The secret to this game is taking it slow
Relax, bare down, close your eyes and feel the sexual energy flow
Massaging your hole until you spread open another notch
See I need a front row seat
Sneak in my fifth with my face three inches from your crotch
This is precarious work
Five fingers deep fingers bent like the bill of some fairytale stork
I keep pound pound pounding till my knuckles slip through
And I’m all the way inside of you!
My hand’s disappeared and it’s time to curl my fist
Your hole sure makes a nice bracelet for my wrist
Rocking you gently you look down again
Delighted and terrified
Upon this Holy fist you’ve been crucified!
Girl, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me
with all the trust you put in me
Coming so hard upon my fist and me
Now, do one favor for me
relax, bare down, let it go-
Let that holy water cascade flow
I promise it’s not pee!

Mommy Fiercest

Introduction

2010-10-19T08:31:00.003-07:00

Welcome to The Queer Word, this is a collaborative blog that is open to submissions from the queer community. This blog is intended to be a platform for the queer community to have a voice. The posts here can be about any subject matter, as long as it is queer related.

If you would like to contribute to this blog, please email Keltik at thequeerword@yahoo.com. Please send your contribution in the body of the email, along with the desired subject header and tags for the post.

All submissions will be posted to the blog by Keltik. You can chose to remain anonymous or add your name to your contibution. Please also state how you want your name to appear as author and if you have a blog or email address you would like to have linked to in the post. If you have any questions, please use the email address above.